Experiencing a difficult moment at work could be very frustrating but it gets worse when it is with your coworker especially the bossy type. Employees spend a majority of their active hours at work and therefore any single act that doesn’t sit well with their work can be infuriating. It is expected that your coworkers will understand you and have a better appreciation of issues. Chances are, you’ve experienced a coworker who can’t resist the urge to tell you how to do your job. Micromanagement is bad enough when it comes from a manager, but it’s even worse coming from a peer. A bossy coworker can make life in the workplace annoying and difficult especially when you are more experienced, exposed and knowledgeable than they are. The main motive for such an attitude may not be known but it can stem from job security – being a threat to their career, their temperament or better still they feel they have been around for long and are better placed to take certain decisions etc.
Controlling, bossy people are annoying and frustrating, they hardly accept change and any divergent opinion. If an idea is not coming from them, it’s bad and must not be entertained. They can be a setback for team building and delay consensus building. They have a manipulative means of influencing others to side with them even when they are wrong. However, with the right mindset and the right attitude you can deal with them effectively without necessary offending them. Here are some techniques that can help:
Stay calm – it can be frustrating and upsetting to be told what to do or have someone take over from you. But it’s important that you stay in control of your temper. Bossy people thrive on getting a strong reaction that allows them to be a victim: “I was only trying to help, and they came after me like I’d done something wrong!” They can be very dramatic but try to keep your composure and don’t react negatively.
Be direct – to manage your bossy colleague you’re going to have to say something direct and assertive. Take a calm, professional tone and keep your discussion short and succinct. Avoid making a scene and make sure you stay calm and respectful. You might want to explain how their behaviour is affecting you, avoiding blaming and sticking to “I” statements, and let them know you want it to stop.
Don’t take it personally – remember that your coworker’s behaviour is not about you, and don’t allow their words or behaviour to affect you personally. It’s all about them wanting to feel important and in control–you’re just the person who happens to be within reach.
Just ignore them – in some situations–especially if the bad behaviour persists despite your best efforts–it may be best to try ignoring it. If you can brush off your coworker’s bad behaviour and just ignore them, you may derail their strategy. If nothing else, you can at least save your own peace of mind.
Set healthy boundaries – be consistent in asserting your own boundaries. Don’t react to attempts at bossiness but learn to respond by asserting your boundaries so people know not to cross them. Keep a reasonable distance all the time.
Seek additional support – enlist the help of your supervisor or a human resources manager if your colleague’s behaviour is interfering with your work. Ask other coworkers who are frustrated with the control freak to support you if your manager resists taking action.
Lead by example – faced with a bossy, domineering coworker–or any difficult person in any area of your life–be the change you wish to see. Model the way you would want to be treated; always speak politely and act with respect.
There will always be coworkers who will attempt to exert some form of authority as if they are the boss and for that matter know it all – keep hanging in between and exercise some restraint. They are naturally loud, domineering and may have a solution to every problem. Make good use of your emotional intelligence – avoid any confrontation with them.
A bossy and difficult coworker is an unpleasant addition to any workplace. But if you can manage them with calm, firm resistance, in a way of learning patience, and feeling yourself compassion towards them, you can minimize the frustration and their attack on you.
Designing effective systems and a clear span of control will also help in minimizing employee confrontation. People may not be reporting some of these clashes but it is unhealthy and counter-productive. Workable policies and procedures will address bossy coworkers trying to domineer over their colleagues. It will also protect the naturally quiet and feeble but very knowledgeable and intelligent employees who may not be complaining – but rather use company time to look for jobs. When a bossy coworker begins to get things wrong, it will be a turning point for them and will start appreciating the views of others.
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