The Garden: Digital Parenting

Finding myself in a situation whereby I have to travel because of work means that very often I am not with my family. Although I would ideally like to carry along with me all my loved ones wherever I go particularly my children, it is not practical.

Remember in as much as I always like to have them around, I cannot be selfish and so I consider their stability and wellness too which primarily informs the current arrangement we have: Digital parenting. It is not a new thing for a mother who has given birth to have her children under the guardian of another person, it is particularly common for grandparents to be the preferred guardians like in my case, my mother. Back in the days, being absent meant precisely that, being absent but with the digital age I am privileged to be absent and yet be present at the same time.

The digital parent is one who uses one or more of digital media applications/devices in his/her daily activities, particularly parenting. Digital parents play a key role in shaping how their children use the digital media; the parent being perhaps the first and most important mediator of digital use of children. Suren Ramasubbu, co-founder and CEO of Mobicip.com says even though there are a number of factors to consider for digital parenting but perhaps equally important is the nature of the parent-child relationship.

Family interactions and family environment are important in that as the amount of time young people spend alone with digital media increases with a decrease in the availability of parents for interaction. With life in developed societies becoming busier than ever, “quality time” between parents and children has become premium, thereby introducing the role of parent as participant in co-learning with children; co-learning is particularly relevant with respect to the digital media in that it is more natural to the digital native child than the immigrant parent.

Thus, digital applications such as emails, instant messaging, sms, wikis, social network sites, and other online immersive experiences have emerged as a platform for better interactions between parents and children. He goes on to say that the style of mediation differs with the gender, educational level and age of the parent and the child. For example, research has shown that boys and young adolescents are controlled more than girls and older adolescents in terms of gaming. However, another study showed that in terms of general internet use, parental mediation was more often directed towards younger children and girls than towards older children and boys. Mothers have been found to mediate their children more often in their media use.

Well, I am certainly one of those moms. My sons have email addresses and they do not even know it yet because I simply feel it is an easier way of storage and recording memories and experiences. My predicament has given rise to me becoming a digital parent and I find myself having to learn more skills in ensuring that my digital parenting skills are on point. Every now and again I would drop them an e-mail and most times send some images or videos. Our weekends are dedicated to video calling which is our “quality” time where we get to see each other’s faces, laugh, share stories and often times go through some assignments. I have their teachers on my watsapp and off course my delegated parent, my mother. The digital age has really enabled me to co-exist in their lives and not feel left out. Some days are better than others, sometimes you really want to hug them, kiss them and tuck them in at night or pack their lunch and do drop offs and pick- ups. However, the practicality of our reality sets in and we have to just get on with it while making most of the situation. When visits happen, we really cherish each second which makes time spent together extremely special. We have an arrangement and we have an understanding and that is all that matters.

I have had people ask me numerous times, how do you do it? “I could never leave my children even for a day” well my answer to that is I do not know how I do it, I had never imagined I would ever do it, However I am doing it. I think what fundamentally helps is that I subscribe to the notion that my life is mine. I by no means define myself on the basis of my relationships, marital status, job description or connections. They too, individually have their own life to live. I must add that practicing this takes real courage and I deem myself blessed to have children who are confident, supportive, understanding, and independent.

There is another dimension to digital parenting and we will touch on that another time, perhaps on the next article. For now let me conclude by saying that it should not be forgotten that technology can lead to “co-presence” in which people are paying more attention to the people on the other end of the cell phone conversation (or instant messaging, or social networking) than to those in the same room. Therefore, let’s be on the look out and be careful that we do not resort to neglecting our relationships.