A lot happened, some I have even lost count of.
Day in and day out I tried as much as possible not to do anything to upset Kwame.
I was still hopeful that everything will fine. A friend on campus whom I confided in told me to spice up my wardrobe to catch Kwame’s attention. I knew Kwame’s taste so I went for clothing that I knew will do the trick but it didn’t work; he seemed not to even notice.
“What has happened to my Kwame”, I asked myself many times.
“Was he still holding a grudge with me because I chose to do the degree programme?”
I even lost count of the number of times I apologised to Kwame, both in word and with a card. And how he assured me that he had forgiven me although his actions communicated another message.
It saddened my heart. I was at my wits end and didn’t know what to do again. It looked like I was the only person suffering because Kwame did not look as if he was troubled by anything.
As a result of how Kwame treated my friends, I could no longer invite anyone to visit me at home, and if I had to go out to visit a friend, it had to be very snappy because the moment he gets home and I am not there, I won’t have my peace.
12 months into our marital blues, nothing much had changed.
My birthday was around the corner and I expected nothing exceptional from Kwame. In times past, he would have asked me months to my birthday what I wanted as a birthday gift. And since he had not asked, I forgot about it. In the morning, Kwame didn’t wish me happy birthday. I left for the office in low spirits. I wondered how he could forget my birthday of all days. You know how we women make a great deal about birthdays.
It was in the office that I felt celebrated. My colleagues bought me a birthday card and one of them promised to take me out for lunch.
At lunch time, just when we were about to step out, a colleague told me that my boss wanted to see me immediately in the conference room.
“Conference room?” I asked the person and he replied in the affirmative.
As I was walking to the conference room which was a block away, my heart was beating so fast. What could the issue be that my boss cannot discuss it with me in his office but in the conference room.
I opened the door slowly and I almost collapsed…..
“Surprise!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” My colleagues sang in a chorus.
There, was a birthday cake with drinks.
And lo and behold was my one and only Kwame, actually the person behind the surprise.
I didn’t know what to say or do. I just stood there with tears running down. I am sure my colleagues thought it was tears of joy but for me it was tears of a confused wife who has been through so much.
There he was smiling at me and looking so happy as if everything was so well with us.
I got over the emotions and joined in the fun.
The cake had the wording: “Happy birthday to the Queen of my heart”.
“Was I still his queen?” I thought to myself.
When the brief party was over, I thanked my husband in front of my colleagues for the pleasant birthday surprise. He walked up to me and gave me a peck on the cheek, that set the place on fire with cheering from my colleagues.
After Kwame left, my colleagues went on and on praising him for what he had done, especially the women. I silently said to myself “you don’t know what I have been through and what I am going through”. I only wished and prayed what happened that afternoon wasn’t one of his tricks but it was a real come back to the life we used to enjoy before.
I went straight home from the office that evening because lectures were called off. When I got home, Kwame was already home, all dressed up with Kayla.
He was in high spirits and when he saw me he said “You are the one we have been waiting for. Quick, get dressed, we are going out to celebrate your birthday.”
I was surprised and it showed on my face.
So he said “why that look on your face” and I replied “Oh, what look do I have on my face?” Just to evade answering his question.
As I had my shower I was in tears. What I was witnessing was too good to be true.
For the outing, I wore one of the dresses that Kwame bought for me. A dress which was slightly above my knee and showed quite some flesh of my beautiful thighs (one of the reasons that attracted me to Kwame).
We went to one of the restaurants at Osu.
We had placed our order and were waiting to be served. It was a bit awkward having us sit facing each other and smiling to each other after so many months of tension. And of course Kayla was around so we had to be the best we could be.
I excused myself to use the restroom, and on my way I was stopped by a gentleman who sat three tables away. We talked briefly and then I went my way. The gentleman actually thought I was someone he knew and when he realised he had made a mistake we laughed it off and I teased him that perhaps it was a hit and run kind of contact he had with the person.
I returned to my seat with a smile on my face, and to be welcomed by the frowned face of Kwame.
“Is anything the matter?” I asked.
“Who was that gentleman you were chatting with? He asked
“Oh is that the reason for that look?” I asked jokingly
“Asantewaa I am serious, who is he?”
“He’s no one”
“Then why were you guys relating as if you knew yourselves?”
“He mistook me for someone he knows” I said.
“Are you sure?” He quizzed
I replied with a big “yes”
“Ok” he said
That gentleman marred the rest of our evening together, because Kwame kept saying that the gentleman was stealing glances at me every now and then… Instead of concentrating on ourselves, he focused his attention on the gentleman, and all I did was to sit and stare at him in wonder. He had me rush through the meal and we left right after eating.
When we entered the car, he took it to another level:
“Asantewaa, don’t wear those kind of dresses again outside the house. You saw how the gentleman was drooling all over you. If you were well covered, I don’t think he would have. Only wear them for me at home.”
I tried to express my disagreement but he wouldn’t listen and insisted he was doing it to protect me. Do you think it was me he had my interest at heart or it was his own selfish interest he was pursuing?
Seriously, I didn’t take what he said to heart, and that didn’t go down well with him.
I got home from lectures one evening. As usual, Kwame was already home.
I entered the bedroom and on the bed were scattered my clothing, with Kwame busily pulling out my clothing from the wardrobe.
I expressed my surprise there and then.
“What’s the matter Kwame? Why are you pulling out my clothing?”
“Since you have failed to do what I asked you to do, I want to help you do it.
Some of your clothes are quite revealing and that is what causes people’s attention to be focused on you, like when we went to the restaurant. So from henceforth, you will wear the clothes above your knee at home and the ones below your knee outside home. You should dress decently.”
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.
“Kwame what did you say?” I asked him
He repeated the same thing.
“But why Kwame, why? Which of my clothes are indecent? When you met me as a single woman were these not the same clothing I was wearing, the same clothing you used to compliment me about when I wore them, the same clothing which you either accompanied me to buy or bought for me? What has changed.”
“Times are not the same anymore. You are a married woman and you have to dress as such. Perhaps initially I overlooked them. But now I think it is in the right direction to watch what you wear outside as my wife. Especially now that you go for lectures on campus, so that those university guys would not think that you are available”
“Ah Kwame. There you go again. Is wearing your ring not enough proof to the guys on campus that I am a married woman? Do I have to dress like a nun to prove that I am a married woman?
“Wedding ring? Ho! When in this day and age people wear it for fun? Don’t deceive yourself my dear. From henceforth any dress above your knee must not be worn outside this house. I will change your wardrobe myself to my preferred taste if i have to.”
“Kwame, doesn’t my opinion as your wife matter anymore? You no longer ask my consent when you take a decision.”
“Your consent? Did you seek my ultimate consent about going to the university? Didn’t you act on your own volition? ” He fired back at me.
“Oh so all this is about the university?” I said in surprise
He wanted to deny it but he had already committed himself.
“Kwame, you know it had always been my dream to go to the university. You know how passionately I used to talk about it when we were dating. You were the same person who encouraged me to rewrite the papers I didn’t perform well in so as to better my chances of making it to the university. Even after I passed the exams, you were the one who helped me complete the university application form. And when my dream became reality you just decided to shut that door of opportunity in my face? Without caring about how I was going to be affected by it?
You knew there was no way I was going to let the opportunity slip by. I don’t know where your sudden disinterest for me to do the degree came from and what informed that decision, but as your wife, I humbly wish to let you know that you took that stance without my interest in mind. I beg of you to stop this cold war with me, I am your wife after all. My intention was not to disrespect you as my head”
“It’s ok” he said.
For the first time in so many months, we slept with his arms wrapped about me….
But as I lay on the bed, I was still thinking about this new instruction he had given about my clothing, because we didn’t settle the matter.
“I can’t change my entire clothing because of a fit of jealousy” I thought.
Later on, I decided to give it a try, for peace to reign and later bring up the subject for discussion.
“Can two people walk together without agreeing on the direction?”
Amos 3:3 (NLT)
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