Hello, my name is Lerato Charlotte Letsoso and I have toxic traits. One of my worst toxic traits is that I have an obsessive personality. I either like you too much or don’t like you at all and I can transition from one to the other real quick. I crave routine and stability so the slightest change of tone or action and I automatically assume the worst. What are your toxic traits? Do you know them, have you confronted them?

Every Thursday is #ThankfulThursday with Rato and on this day I pick one main thing I am thankful for and allow my readers to share theirs. We basically count our blessings and I have decided to dedicate this day of the week to just focus on thanksgiving since most our days are clouded with anxiety and our obsession to do this thing called life so much that we often forget to say thank you. Now, on our previous #ThankfulThursday with Rato I shared that I was thankful for a self awareness where I now take note of my toxic traits and my triggers and I am using all these to become a better person and ultimately become better to others and in what I do.  Most times our focus is always on the toxic state of others but we rarely take time to do the work on ourselves. It is so much easier for us to always put the blame on others or notice the toxin in another’s character than to draw into ourselves and have an honest confrontation with our very own toxin.

Have you ever met someone whose narrative is blaming everyone in their life right from childhood and into their current state? Not even once when they tell their story do they own up to their part in the story, they are the victim throughout the entire story and if you are honest enough you will agree with me that such stories can be rather exhausting. No! Everyone cannot always be the villain in your story and you the only victim, if you sincerely have  a closer look you will notice how you must have also “helped” your situation.  I read on Lydia ‘s Sunday twitter “Check yourself! Sometimes you are the toxic person. Understand that you make mistakes. You hurt people, apologise! That’s growth understanding that there are things you need to work on.  That’s enlightenment, striving for continuous improvement instead of faking perfection.” I will tell you today that there is only one way to improve and it starts with you confronting your toxin.

It can be a rather painful procedure one that could trigger some deep hurts, it could also be very defeating to your ego because for a change you are open to seeing your faults and acknowledge them. Ghanaian award winning actress Lydia Forson described her experience as “One of the hardest things you’ll have to accept about yourself, but also one of the most life changing” and I second her. Are you looking for a life changing experience? Are you really tired of the manner in which the events of your life are playing out? Have you had enough and need change to come? Then I am afraid you are going to have to make it happen, change will not come unless you change.

Let me also remind you that the kind of relationship you have with yourself will translate into how you relate with others and your choices will be highly influenced by who you are within and not who you pretend to be. You don’t like your results change your energy and you can only effectively work on your energy when you start getting rid or dealing with the poison/ toxin.  However, you can only deal with what you know so you would have to identify your toxin and learn to either appropriate it in your life or just do away with it completely. The parameters are endless and each situation is unique but it requires to be owned by you and no one else. We talk Self Care and this is just a big part of self care as going to the spa, gym, church or yoga and it will inevitably influence the quality of our relationships personally and professionally. Most of us exhibit our inner conflict when relating with others and often times out of fear or what we sometimes mask as “love” we project our conflict onto others by either trolling them, belittling them or bullying them. We can even hold others captive with us if care is not taken so the sooner we address this the better.

In the introduction I shared with you my toxic traits and I have become so confident in sharing them that even in my personal relationships I am no longer  afraid or ashamed to be vulnerable. I speak out and make my toxic traits known because most of the time they will come across during the course of the relationship and so my partner needs to understand that once I sense uncertainty it means my routine has been tampered with and once I start acting up it means I’m busy assuming the worst because “ Lerato craves routine and stability”. Also if I use to like you a lot and for some reason you decide to no longer be in my intimate circle and I suddenly do not like you too much any more that’s just my obsessive personality playing out because “Lerato transitions real quick”.

I will be honest with you and let you know that I have not gotten rid of my “demons” however I have established some sort of bargain with them and I call the shots. Hence I have been able to use my “weaknesses” to become a better person. In the past I really lost out on great people because of my unawareness or unparalleled relationship with myself but today I have become so much better and I guarantee you so much better too if you give it a shot. You owe it yourself to free yourself of your “demons” be bold and no longer afraid take your power and confront your toxicity.

By Lerato Charlotte Letsoso | Email: leratokayise@gmail.com