A childhood friend, now healing from heartbreak as a result of me cheating on her, did a survey to find out what is in the mind of the married man, especially with extramarital affairs. I will spare us all, the boredom by just sampling a few of her respondents for the purposes of explaining the possible reasons for the problem of men “chasing other young girls” when sometimes every other person who knows about their marriage think, they have a perfect marriage and therefore has no obligation to cheat.
Among the many respondents were Nick, a 34-year-old sailing instructor and married with an eight-year-old son, Michael, part-time IT manager, married for two years with a fourteen months old son. Justin, a 45-year-old lawyer, married for 12 years to his second wife and a son who is 21 years now. Russell, a 43-year-old marketing executive, married for 16 years with three children. My final sample will be Carl, a 41-year-old teacher, who has lived with his partner for 15 years, with whom he has a nine-year-old son.
Out of the many respondents to the survey, I settled on five men to help give clarity to the man’s problem of ‘chasing other young girls even when married.’ These five men were asked if they had ever had an extramarital affair and why they did that?
Justin’s response was yes to ever having an extramarital affair during the course of his marriage. He identified that the reason for his action was born out of a wish for excitement as well as feeling bored at home. He is reported to have said, as far as his wife is concerned, she knows nothing and she thinks he is still the wonderful nice guy, she married.
Carl was straightforward, he said, he one time had an extramarital affair and the problem to him was sex. He held the belief that his partner does not need as much as he does. Carl said sex is a pretty big part of his life or at least he would like it to be. Interestingly, Carl is reported to have one day told his wife that, he was not getting as much as he wanted and her response was ‘well, go off and get it somewhere else if you want to, just don’t tell me about it’. So, he did. Narrating his story, he said, perhaps the wife might have meant it as a joke but it didn’t sound like a joke at the time. It was a great adventure for him.
The part-time IT manager, Michael who had been married for two years, has suddenly forgotten how to flirt, he blamed it on domesticating sex by marriage. Michael stated that in as much as he does not think he can initiate an extramarital affair, who will gladly jump into the excitement of having wild sex with a woman brave enough to initiate it.
The 34-year-old sailing instructor, Nick, said when he married, he made a decision that he was not going to be tempted, and with a child, he felt as if his lot was now thrown in with grace. He agreed to feeling attracted by other women but he made a decision not to act on how he was feeling.
From the stories of my aforementioned samples to help explain the man’s problem of ‘chasing other young girls’, I can deduce that the couples that are usually blessed with a child very early stages of their marriage life, often have seen the birth knocked sex on the head. Sex sometimes instead of been wild and fun becomes a ritual. Inside the mind of the married man, is hope that feeds his feeling that you choose to be with him, not that you need to be with him. Nevertheless, the penis of a man has been identified to have a mind on his own, slighting different what the man uses to process daily issues of life.
Many of these men’s presumptuous problem is usually unspoken about in a society where polygamy is close to been a taboo, the desire for something wild, sexual variety can gradually be solved with discipline.
The 25-year-old engineer, Kwame is currently suffering from social anxiety as result of his wife finding out about his several sexual explores, most often socially very anxious people tend to believe they are undesirable to others, they are convinced, they will be unable to make impressions on others and that their own actions will lead to embarrassment and social rejection.
Till you understand why men patronize prostitutes more than women, we can not compromise on discipline as long as the man is capable of having erection.
By: Kwesi Atuahene
