The Garden: Do You!

As you go about your life, someone is watching and learning from you. Learning how to treat you, learning how to love you. If you always put yourself last in all of your relationships do not be surprised when others never put you first, they have learned from you.

When we say “do you” we are talking of self-love. We are saying appreciate yourself, accept yourself, believe in yourself, and value yourself.  Kindly note that “do you” is not being selfish or being obsessed with yourself but rather to be kind to yourself.

You can only give others the best of what you have, therefore in order to be the best to others you need to be the best to yourself. Often times our behavior in public or with others is a reflection of the relationship we have with ourselves. If within us we are conflicted, it is difficult to maintain healthy relationships. If we are not confident enough, we’ll become insecure and every comment or act from others becomes an attack. Our insecurities propel us to become too aware of other people’s shortcomings and we use their weaknesses to try to make up for our own shortcomings. When we are unhappy, we subconsciously sabotage the happiness of others because our misery seeks company.  When we are dissatisfied or feel like we have failed to accomplish our goals, we become easily irritated or intimidated by those who live positively and are busy living their dreams. And so the vicious cycle continues as we destroy our relationships-because believe you me no one enjoys to hang around a negative person so learn to love yourself!

One of the first things we can do to practice self- love is to learn to receive compliments. When you receive a compliment, be able to receive it without putting yourself down. Why is it so difficult to be polite to yourself? Why is it such a difficult task to just say “thank you” with a smile, or “thank you I feel good”. Why is it easier to cheer another team except for yours? Why are you your biggest hater? Do you!

You are being a hater when you keep giving your great ideas for others to run with. Every time you are in a great relationship you do something to mess it up, because deep down inside you do not believe that you are worthy. When you are about to get a break in your career you must do something to mess it up, because deep down inside you do not believe you deserve it. Now I want to ask you why not you?  All of these are self -sabotaging behavior as referred to in last week’s article (kindly refer to it “How to stop the self- hate”)

Believe me when I tell you that it is okay to be happy! It is okay to be successful! It is okay to be beautiful! Stop putting yourself down, it is not amusing. You deserve all the goodness in the world.  Perhaps you have heard negative reports too long from others so much so that you now believe their lies. Maybe you are so afraid of people’s opinion of you that you want to beat them at it by being the first one to be mean to yourself. Whichever reason you may have, it is not good enough. Start doing a mental cleansing right now of every word that negates your value. Begin to befriend yourself, start falling in love with yourself and most importantly, be kind to yourself.

One famous quote says “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light and not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are we not to be? You playing small doesn’t serve the world”. Indeed, playing small serves no one so do you and be great at it.